Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
