Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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