If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
