There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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