The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize