I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
