my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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