I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
