The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
