Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
