he shaved USA in his pubs
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
