I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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