Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
