i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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