you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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