I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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