haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
