shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
