Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
