I haven't been this sober since birth.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
