it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My cat gives me a boner
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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