I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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