Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
