In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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