I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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