Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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