Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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