I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
