Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Redeem this text for a blowjob
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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