have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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