There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
