You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
