Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
