2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
