I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
