wakey wakey hands off snakey
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Randomize
