I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
