____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
