apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize