Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
