Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
