I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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