I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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