Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
