I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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