Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize