I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
