You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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