I'm jealous of your bromance
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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