That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
