peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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