yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
