we have officially lost it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize