You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
