We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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