I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
