Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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