so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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