There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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