I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
