it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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