he wants to bone in the snuggie
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
