my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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