Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
