Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my sisters under your porch take her home
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize