So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
