So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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