he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
